Thursday, August 27, 2009


“They talked no longer of love, but only of like. Talk of love made them feel banished and of the dark-ages. Like was beginning and new; like was when you grew wings that make you lithe and interesting; love was when those wings kept growing, became thick and unseemly— tarp-like— and then smothered you; wrapped you up, like a bodybag. ”
— Tao Lin, “Sincerity” a short story from Bed via

I am content in believing that most of our friends don’t feel this way; however, it saddens me to think a lot of the world does.

My CD club was mainly just swaps between my friend and me. When I told him that I was somewhat embarrassed because a CD I made was mostly love songs, and not to read too much into this he told me not to worry about it. “When you think about it, a lot of the best songs that have been written are about love and loss.”

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Vickie said...

do you believe that people fall out of love? I do. Is that what that excerpt is talking about? I'm not saying people fall permanantly out of love. I just think that people fall out of "love" the feeling, then they learn to respect each other and to find the best in all the faults that they brushed away when they were "in love" and so they fall in love again but this time they love WHOLY.

Leah said...

Vickie, I'm not really sure what I think. My experience if obviously quite limited. I do definitely believe that feelings (of love or what have you) can be like waves cresting and reaching a high point, the waves crashing down and then there being a sort of calm after the crash. I do think the whole learning to respect each other and finding the best in each other thing has to happen. I think there's definitely a point where you realize the other person is human. They might not be the dream you painted them out to be so you may question your initial feelings for them. I think that happens. But I think that can have a lot to do with selfishness and only looking at things from your own perspective rather than the other persons. Either thinking your needs come before theirs or you are somehow justified in your no longer loving them because they "weren't the person you thought they were." I'm sure it must take a lot of courage and humility to stick with things when they get scary.

I believe if both people (that's the kicker...we only really have control over ourselves right?) are moving in the right direction (making the simple principles of the Gospel a constant in their lives), there will be some definite hiccups and a sort of ebb and flow, but there should otherwise never be a reason for someone to really fall out of love. Maybe this is just my optimism and naiveté?

As far as the quote goes I was more thinking in terms of people being scared of love, because "like" is so much easier. Liking gives you a lot of the benefits of loving someone, but without any major commitments. It's easy. You still are able to love numero uno first and foremost. Real love means caring for someone more than yourself. Like is all fun and games. Love can be too, added on is that whole responsibility aspect.

Anyway, blah blah blah. I should have written you this in an email! I guess your comment just really got me thinking.

Leah said... more thing. I'm sure you understood what I meant, but just in case as far as the first scenario (the whole people falling out of love thing) I was meaning people that were already in love in the first place. Obviously if one person loves someone and the other doesn't, hopefully that first person's feelings can change or at lease evolve in order to allow for some peace and sanity. Blah blah blah. The end.

Vickie said...

I think we pretty much understand each other! You said a lot of what I was thinking but couldn't write. I still think that people fall out of love though. Maybe the feeling "he/she isn't the person i thought they were" is what I consider to be "fall out of love". But I'm not speakinf from experience either. It's just that you can see when people get divorced and then they want to get back together. If they had just stayed together and helped each other out maybe they would not have spent so much money splitting up you know? But yes, i really like what you said about it taking humility because it totally does. and what's your email address?! I want to talk to you more about this but comments just won't do! haha
I want to talk about this Like vs Love. I want to know more about what you think. Plus remember we are one in the same?! haha

monica said...

that is an interesting quote. i have never thought of love as a negative thing. i have never experienced the 'afraid of love' or 'afraid of committing to love.' i think people are sometimes afraid that once they are 'in love' they won't be able to come out of it if its needed, reason being break ups. i have experienced the 'in love' and then the needing to come out/fall out of it. it is marvelous to come to the realization that even though you loved that person there is someone out there you will love more and will be better for you. when you finally realize that aspect, that God knows who is best for you, then it makes allowing yourself to love instead of just like a lot easier. i don't know if that made sense. i really only planned on saying..

i loved those songs, thanks for being my morning soundtrack as i dwindled down the numbers on my blog reader.

one more thing. i have noticed recently in movies or tv shows that people say 'i love you' so fast. (maybe due to the fact you can't really see the span of time it takes place in and its a movie they have to rush these things along). but after seeing this trend i tried to decide if it was an okay thing or not. beside the fact that its a movie/show and they can say/do what they want, can 'like' turn to real love that fast? is it just something outside my culture(maybe it be mormon culture) to dive that fast into it? maybe, it is the fact that being lds we have a different idea of we are more careful with it? maybe? however, even within the lds culture people are not careful with it. it is so hard to know if you should be careful or brave with love. you know? as in do i tell this boy i like him and be brave, or am i careful and wait to see if he shares the same feeling..and even then am careful cus it could only last so long.

sorry i have lots of thoughts on love, i wrote a 10 page paper and then a 5 page paper on it in the winter. hah.